Sunday, January 22, 2017
To all my fellow marchers across planet earth (and all those marching with us in spirit) - yesterday we witnessed and embodied HOPE. We made LOVE a tangible thing, even if only for a few hours.
Please, let none of the negativity you've seen or received regarding the protests ever let you forget the feeling of those crowds, the unity, the joy, the togetherness.
To quote my favorite sign seen all over the DC march - "When they go low, we go high."
Do not stoop to social media banter and arguments. Do not allow yourself to be baited into anger. Live the love and the hope we created yesterday, every day forward.
Lead by example.
We cannot change closed minds. Let those go, and focus on the rest. People who cannot accept dissent want you to lower yourself, so they can then point and say "See? Look at their toxicity!" Instead, rise above.
Rise with me. And let the love and the hope OF yesterday grow and blossom, for it will become the change we marched for, and will continue to fight for.
We are the future. We are hope. Start now.
#EndTheAnger #WhyIMarch #StillIRise #IAmHope #WeThePeople
contradictive hope
Monday, January 30, 2017
Thoughts from the March on D.C.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
They'd planned a march down one big street, but the march ended up wall to wall people, 3-4 blocks wide, streets upon streets of people, all marching in one direction. The entire city has been taken over. We walked like 30 blocks from the masses to get food, and there are still protesters walking and smiling everywhere you look. No violence, no riots, crowds of strangers singing and chanting as one voice, every age from practically-newborn to 80-yrs+, every faith, every color. It's quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
It reminds me of an Ani Difranco lyric - "There's a river of people that runs past my eyes, it's beautiful enough just to watch it go by."
#WhyIMarch #WomensMarchOnWashington #NotMeUs #pussyhat #humanrights #WeThePeople #InThisTogether #AniDifranco #riverofpeople
They'd planned a march down one big street, but the march ended up wall to wall people, 3-4 blocks wide, streets upon streets of people, all marching in one direction. The entire city has been taken over. We walked like 30 blocks from the masses to get food, and there are still protesters walking and smiling everywhere you look. No violence, no riots, crowds of strangers singing and chanting as one voice, every age from practically-newborn to 80-yrs+, every faith, every color. It's quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
It reminds me of an Ani Difranco lyric - "There's a river of people that runs past my eyes, it's beautiful enough just to watch it go by."
#WhyIMarch #WomensMarchOnWashington #NotMeUs #pussyhat #humanrights #WeThePeople #InThisTogether #AniDifranco #riverofpeople
#WhyIMarch
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Forgive me this pre-emptive soap-box monologue… But I feel it necessary to post this, knowing social media as I do, because I will be participating in the Women’s March in Washington, D.C. on Saturday. Please read this well-meaning post in its entirety before commenting negatively about the fact that I will be part of this peaceful protest:
I myself am not marching against Trump, nor against the negativity of many for which his election has sadly insinuated approval. Nor do I march against any of you - you who are reading this and supported Trump for your varying reasons, which I know, if you are on my friends list, had nothing at all to do with bigotry, racism, sexism, bullying or hatred.
I myself am marching for the self-evident truths promised to all Americans - Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Not for some, nor even for a majority, but for every single member of our melting-pot of a nation. I march in support of the ideal that the first explorers who sailed to this American shore risked their lives in search of over 400 years ago - for freedom, in all its many forms.
Please do not tell me to “get over it”, as if I do not understand how our political systems works, or do not comprehend that yes, the election is over and that a protest cannot effect those results, because I get that, and that is not why I’m marching. I feel it would be unwise to allow ourselves to believe that hundreds of thousands of people are marching for that goal... Most, like I, are not.
Of course there will be some in attendance who will march in anger, or in a futile attempt to change the electoral outcome, or who disrespect the ideals of a peaceful protest as exemplified by people like Martin Luther King, Jr. However, just as you, me, and most others do not wish to be judged by the worst of those with whom we share a commonality, neither should all marchers on Saturday be judged in kind.
Respect breeds respect, none shall find it elsewhere.
The vast majority of Saturday’s participants march in order to send one or all of the following messages of support to those we know, and to those we have not had the honor of yet meeting:
- If your God is known by a different name than ours - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If your skin is a different shade or color than ours - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If your true nature has become clear within your heart that you are associated with the letters L, G, T, or B - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you are a woman who has faced inequality or has felt demeaned simply because of your gender - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you are a young woman who has made (or might one day make) an 18-minute (or less!) mistake in a moment of passionate weakness with a man, WE SUPPORT that you should not be punished, nor forced to sacrifice 18 years of your life to atone for that one moment, simply because you are the half of that mistake who happens to have the uterus.
- If you have been bullied or threatened or attacked by others for any difference within you or about you - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you believe in the sacredness of this home that we all share, called our Earth - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you feel frustration as the denial of respect for science and knowledge grow more popularly accepted - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you have struggled against poverty and were never offered the opportunities others so easily take for granted, or deny having at all - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you have worked hard, but no longer feel that the dream of a better life is within your reach - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you are disheartened that the health and well-being of humans has become a profitable business of greed - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you believe that the lives of human beings are of far greater worth than money - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you believe the world can be (and can do) better, WE SUPPORT YOU.
If you disagree with my participation in this march (as is my democratic freedom), or if you disagree with any of my reasons for doing so, then perhaps you are the one who needs to “get over it” and just keep scrolling… Again I repeat that respect breeds respect, none shall find it elsewhere.
We are your sisters,
your mothers,
your wives,
your daughters,
your lovers,
your friends,
and your neighbors.
Together, we march. Not against, but FOR - for all those in our human family, for our planet, for our future, for freedom, for LOVE.
#NoH8 #EndTheAnger #NotMeUs #TheStand #WomensMarchOnWashington #LoveTrumpsAll #MakeHumanityGreatAgain #FaithInHumanityRestored #HumansOfAmerica #PeacefulProtest #YourSilenceWillNotProtectYou #ThoseWhoDoNotRememberThePastAreDoomedToRepeatIt #sorrynotsorry #respectbreedsrespect
Forgive me this pre-emptive soap-box monologue… But I feel it necessary to post this, knowing social media as I do, because I will be participating in the Women’s March in Washington, D.C. on Saturday. Please read this well-meaning post in its entirety before commenting negatively about the fact that I will be part of this peaceful protest:
I myself am not marching against Trump, nor against the negativity of many for which his election has sadly insinuated approval. Nor do I march against any of you - you who are reading this and supported Trump for your varying reasons, which I know, if you are on my friends list, had nothing at all to do with bigotry, racism, sexism, bullying or hatred.
I myself am marching for the self-evident truths promised to all Americans - Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Not for some, nor even for a majority, but for every single member of our melting-pot of a nation. I march in support of the ideal that the first explorers who sailed to this American shore risked their lives in search of over 400 years ago - for freedom, in all its many forms.
Please do not tell me to “get over it”, as if I do not understand how our political systems works, or do not comprehend that yes, the election is over and that a protest cannot effect those results, because I get that, and that is not why I’m marching. I feel it would be unwise to allow ourselves to believe that hundreds of thousands of people are marching for that goal... Most, like I, are not.
Of course there will be some in attendance who will march in anger, or in a futile attempt to change the electoral outcome, or who disrespect the ideals of a peaceful protest as exemplified by people like Martin Luther King, Jr. However, just as you, me, and most others do not wish to be judged by the worst of those with whom we share a commonality, neither should all marchers on Saturday be judged in kind.
Respect breeds respect, none shall find it elsewhere.
The vast majority of Saturday’s participants march in order to send one or all of the following messages of support to those we know, and to those we have not had the honor of yet meeting:
- If your God is known by a different name than ours - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If your skin is a different shade or color than ours - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If your true nature has become clear within your heart that you are associated with the letters L, G, T, or B - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you are a woman who has faced inequality or has felt demeaned simply because of your gender - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you are a young woman who has made (or might one day make) an 18-minute (or less!) mistake in a moment of passionate weakness with a man, WE SUPPORT that you should not be punished, nor forced to sacrifice 18 years of your life to atone for that one moment, simply because you are the half of that mistake who happens to have the uterus.
- If you have been bullied or threatened or attacked by others for any difference within you or about you - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you believe in the sacredness of this home that we all share, called our Earth - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you feel frustration as the denial of respect for science and knowledge grow more popularly accepted - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you have struggled against poverty and were never offered the opportunities others so easily take for granted, or deny having at all - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you have worked hard, but no longer feel that the dream of a better life is within your reach - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you are disheartened that the health and well-being of humans has become a profitable business of greed - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you believe that the lives of human beings are of far greater worth than money - WE SUPPORT YOU.
- If you believe the world can be (and can do) better, WE SUPPORT YOU.
If you disagree with my participation in this march (as is my democratic freedom), or if you disagree with any of my reasons for doing so, then perhaps you are the one who needs to “get over it” and just keep scrolling… Again I repeat that respect breeds respect, none shall find it elsewhere.
We are your sisters,
your mothers,
your wives,
your daughters,
your lovers,
your friends,
and your neighbors.
Together, we march. Not against, but FOR - for all those in our human family, for our planet, for our future, for freedom, for LOVE.
#NoH8 #EndTheAnger #NotMeUs #TheStand #WomensMarchOnWashington #LoveTrumpsAll #MakeHumanityGreatAgain #FaithInHumanityRestored #HumansOfAmerica #PeacefulProtest #YourSilenceWillNotProtectYou #ThoseWhoDoNotRememberThePastAreDoomedToRepeatIt #sorrynotsorry #respectbreedsrespect
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Eden's end.
I had a dream last night...
That so very long ago, before human history even began, we "humans" (in a similar but not equal form to who/what we are now) lived exclusively underwater - in a highly salinated ocean, to be specific. Communication was not by sound, due to water preventing clear verbal communicative success. However, the sensory deprivation of the water allowed us to feel beyond our skin, to hear beyond our ears, to worry less about sight and more about feeling and thought. This difference in environment allowed us to connect to each other more deeply, with untethered minds, without word or movement. Physical touch without being reminded of the confines of body and form provoked such understanding, compassion, empathy, and interrelation. No secrets needed, no explanations demanded for actions or choices, for energy was felt, and simply understood.
In the dream, eventually, we became curious about what lay outside beyond our watery home. Some started popping their heads above the surface now and then, to try to look around, but gravity's weight and the eyes' attempt to see through the dry air were difficult. But slowly, over time, some were able to adjust themselves. Two in particular, a mated couple, would slowly drag themselves to a shore for a short time, their skin pores seeking oxygen from dry atmosphere in vain, fighting the push of gravity toward the ground for as long as they could tolerate. With slow, deliberate training, they learned to blink their eyes into focus, to open their mouths and allow small amounts of air into confused lungs instead of breathing with skin. Intrigued by the feeling of heat on skin, tightened form of body edges, and the colors and sounds so new on this land, the two could not stop visiting... They taught others how to slowly desensitize themselves to gravity, to air, to temperature difference, to sounds, sights... To begin to sit up, stand, and even walk on the new ground, despite the loss of their familiar weightlessness.
Some chose to stay out of the water more than they stayed in. Readjusting back to breathing through skin became harder, and return less of an option for many. In time, one unexpected and undesired consequence became brutally obvious - without the weightlessness of the water, the loosened edges of skin within salt water, the quieting of noise and tempering of light, communication with each other strained, and physical touch felt less connected. But by then, it was too late to return - skin had lost it's ability how to breathe of the water, lungs refused to give up the air they'd grown to love within them, eyes ached when returned to the salt of home.
Noises and motions were required to achieve even the simplest of communications, and verbal language developed. Muscles tightened and strengthened in the harsh gravity of the land. Shelter, food, and heat were found to be essential for this new, fierce-some survival.
Frustration, and growing disconnection caused anger, fear, competition, blame... Eventually, one was killed by another. Nothing of the like had been known ever before. Death, yes, but to cause the death of another? In the water, age itself was slow and weak, death was usually by accident, and revered as returning to the source of all life and light. But how could these believes be rectified if a death was instigated by one of their own, and what to do with that one to prevent repeating by others???
A pair of lovers left their world within the sea, and lead a migration from that heaven, a slow movement that could never be undone. Fallen off a precipice of curiosity and consequence, Eden ended.
And the harsh life of humanity, in its place, was born.
#dream #eden #birthofhumanity #sensorydeprivation #hopevali #contradictivehope
That so very long ago, before human history even began, we "humans" (in a similar but not equal form to who/what we are now) lived exclusively underwater - in a highly salinated ocean, to be specific. Communication was not by sound, due to water preventing clear verbal communicative success. However, the sensory deprivation of the water allowed us to feel beyond our skin, to hear beyond our ears, to worry less about sight and more about feeling and thought. This difference in environment allowed us to connect to each other more deeply, with untethered minds, without word or movement. Physical touch without being reminded of the confines of body and form provoked such understanding, compassion, empathy, and interrelation. No secrets needed, no explanations demanded for actions or choices, for energy was felt, and simply understood.
In the dream, eventually, we became curious about what lay outside beyond our watery home. Some started popping their heads above the surface now and then, to try to look around, but gravity's weight and the eyes' attempt to see through the dry air were difficult. But slowly, over time, some were able to adjust themselves. Two in particular, a mated couple, would slowly drag themselves to a shore for a short time, their skin pores seeking oxygen from dry atmosphere in vain, fighting the push of gravity toward the ground for as long as they could tolerate. With slow, deliberate training, they learned to blink their eyes into focus, to open their mouths and allow small amounts of air into confused lungs instead of breathing with skin. Intrigued by the feeling of heat on skin, tightened form of body edges, and the colors and sounds so new on this land, the two could not stop visiting... They taught others how to slowly desensitize themselves to gravity, to air, to temperature difference, to sounds, sights... To begin to sit up, stand, and even walk on the new ground, despite the loss of their familiar weightlessness.
Some chose to stay out of the water more than they stayed in. Readjusting back to breathing through skin became harder, and return less of an option for many. In time, one unexpected and undesired consequence became brutally obvious - without the weightlessness of the water, the loosened edges of skin within salt water, the quieting of noise and tempering of light, communication with each other strained, and physical touch felt less connected. But by then, it was too late to return - skin had lost it's ability how to breathe of the water, lungs refused to give up the air they'd grown to love within them, eyes ached when returned to the salt of home.
Noises and motions were required to achieve even the simplest of communications, and verbal language developed. Muscles tightened and strengthened in the harsh gravity of the land. Shelter, food, and heat were found to be essential for this new, fierce-some survival.
Frustration, and growing disconnection caused anger, fear, competition, blame... Eventually, one was killed by another. Nothing of the like had been known ever before. Death, yes, but to cause the death of another? In the water, age itself was slow and weak, death was usually by accident, and revered as returning to the source of all life and light. But how could these believes be rectified if a death was instigated by one of their own, and what to do with that one to prevent repeating by others???
A pair of lovers left their world within the sea, and lead a migration from that heaven, a slow movement that could never be undone. Fallen off a precipice of curiosity and consequence, Eden ended.
And the harsh life of humanity, in its place, was born.
#dream #eden #birthofhumanity #sensorydeprivation #hopevali #contradictivehope
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
your lead
where do we go from here
i cant feel the rhythm of this dance
not this time
i feel the sway
but can't find my feet
then i spin, as you grin,
and feel somehow incomplete
turn the music up
so the bass line rings clear
turn the music up
so my voice will sing
through tears
through fears
un-grounded
ever pounded
into a brain and through the frame
of strength i try to build
i feign
now we waltz
and spin again
do i feel rain?
or is it just pain
unknowing aches
helplessness rakes
will fades and breaks
and i swing back,
forth
in your arms
in your wake
unseen.
turn the music up
so the base line rings clear
turn the music up
so my voice will sing
through tears
through fears
let my feet
dance
with wings.
-hv-
08/16/16
#hopevali #contradictivehope #yourlead #wheredowegofromhere #dance #poetry
i cant feel the rhythm of this dance
not this time
i feel the sway
but can't find my feet
then i spin, as you grin,
and feel somehow incomplete
turn the music up
so the bass line rings clear
turn the music up
so my voice will sing
through tears
through fears
un-grounded
ever pounded
into a brain and through the frame
of strength i try to build
i feign
now we waltz
and spin again
do i feel rain?
or is it just pain
unknowing aches
helplessness rakes
will fades and breaks
and i swing back,
forth
in your arms
in your wake
unseen.
turn the music up
so the base line rings clear
turn the music up
so my voice will sing
through tears
through fears
let my feet
dance
with wings.
-hv-
08/16/16
#hopevali #contradictivehope #yourlead #wheredowegofromhere #dance #poetry
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
cometh to view
I can sense your presence
But I cannot see you near
I can feel you coming
But now I cannot hear
your move.
Clarity of reality fogs
Density in your truth
Disheartened faith to blissful next
Flow a wish you'd prove
once surety's widsom
finally cometh to view.
hv 4/6/16
#hopevali #contradictivehope #comethtoview #poetry
But I cannot see you near
I can feel you coming
But now I cannot hear
your move.
Clarity of reality fogs
Density in your truth
Disheartened faith to blissful next
Flow a wish you'd prove
once surety's widsom
finally cometh to view.
hv 4/6/16
#hopevali #contradictivehope #comethtoview #poetry
Thursday, October 15, 2015
dream
Last night's intense dream...
I was in a medium to large sized room full of people, all perfectly dressed, in perfectly-tailored synthetic outfits and manicured nails, a few are even my friends in waking life. all well dressed, looking clean and smiling and chatting. the people i knew in the dream in the room were all the friends i see as most "successful" in life, all around. families, jobs, etc. or at least they appear to be so from what i get to see... none of my truest best friends were there, maybe because i know so much about them that i know the successes and i know the hardships, both... the people in this room are the people that i dont ever hear complain, you never know if their marriage is awesome or just pretty in pictures, that kind of thing...
there was a large buffet to one side, that people were filling their plates from, then sitting in perfectly laid out rows of tables with evenly spaced chairs. no one shared, everyone had their own plate. i went to the buffet with my plate, the food looked so amazing. i took a few things, but decided not to overfill my plate and just come back for more after.
i walked to where a friend had saved me a seat at her table, but by the time i got there, my plate had vanished from my hand. i didnt put it down, it was just gone. for a minute i wondered if it had even really existed? nah...
i looked all over the room and couldnt find it, though. so my friend suggested i just get a new plate, so i did. i start over to the buffet food, and as i approach each dish option, there's either almost none left, or the serving people close the lid and say i cant have that, or that's being put away, stuff like that.
i could take the burnt edges of what's left, the scraps of this or that, but all that amazing food is gone, or not available to me. and no one at the big tables would share anything, not even my friend. maybe a piece of her soft roll, but not really...
so i look at the empty chair at my friend's table, the only chair left in the room, and consider my options... i look around the entire room, with the empty plate in my hand, and see a doorway i hadnt noticed before. the door is open, but it's as if no one in the room i'm currently in even realizes there's a door other than the one they've entered from originally, which is at the other side of the room, and has remained closed since we all poured in.
i walk toward the open door and sunlight is streaming in. there is a much smaller room beyond the door, like a little porch, and the walls are almost entirely windows. i hadnt noticed the big room i had been in this whole time had almost no real sunlight coming in, and all the light was from bright florescent lights in the ceiling.
i cautiously step through the door, but just one step, because then i notice the people in this new room, and I suddenly feel as if i'm intruding.
they are sitting on a couch, on the floor, on pillows, on a couple wooden chairs, all haphazardly strewn around a coffee table. they are dressed in normal clothes, soft cottons, some aren't even that clean. some have dreadlocks or wear hats, none have fancy nails or makeup. most have their backs toward me, but one turns and says "come on in! are you hungry?" i see there are many plates of random food on the little coffee table, but simple food, nothing like the buffet had. more like hors devours - crackers, cheese, apples, bread, olive oil... but they are all sharing, and everyone is chatting and smiling, and the noise feels more relaxed and sincere than in the big buffet room.
they make room for me on the couch. they were already squished, but they make room. i ask why no one else from the other room comes in here, or seems to even see this room? they said something to the effect of those folks being too distracted by their buffet, and too busy making sure they have a seat at the big table.
then i woke up.
it blew me away how, this dream pretty much sums up where i once was, and where i want to be...
from working in corporate for huge money and being who i was "supposed" to be and doing what i was "supposed" to do to achieve this "success" thing, so therefore happiness would just "find" me (instead of me finding it within myself!) and realizing just how messed up that place was and what an illusion it all was (like the plate disappearing in the dream), to where i am now, focused not on money or "success" in the eyes of others, but on family and friendships and my own inner journey, without needing to be rich or have fancy clothes defining me any more, but still ever searching... and that smaller room is what i'm searching for.
i'm tired of having no options but leftover scraps, just so i can claim a seat at the big tables, where ppl smile and talk about jobs and kids and how "great" everything is (on the surface) but nothing else, focused on only themselves, under stale lights in flashy tight clothes on hard perfectly-arranged chairs.
i want to rest in the sun, squished on a couch, breaking bread with those who dont care how each other are dressed, or who has which chair, or even a chair at all. where it's ok to sit on the floor. where the plates of food are everyone's and no one is left without. where laughter is genuine and relaxed. where the sun streams in all around, and everyone does actually notice that it is there at all.
I think I'm getting there, esp with friends like you guys, but the journey continues. This dream helped me see the path more clearly today. xo
#1515
#hopevali #contradictivehope #dream #perfectpeople #whattabledoyouwanttositat
I was in a medium to large sized room full of people, all perfectly dressed, in perfectly-tailored synthetic outfits and manicured nails, a few are even my friends in waking life. all well dressed, looking clean and smiling and chatting. the people i knew in the dream in the room were all the friends i see as most "successful" in life, all around. families, jobs, etc. or at least they appear to be so from what i get to see... none of my truest best friends were there, maybe because i know so much about them that i know the successes and i know the hardships, both... the people in this room are the people that i dont ever hear complain, you never know if their marriage is awesome or just pretty in pictures, that kind of thing...
there was a large buffet to one side, that people were filling their plates from, then sitting in perfectly laid out rows of tables with evenly spaced chairs. no one shared, everyone had their own plate. i went to the buffet with my plate, the food looked so amazing. i took a few things, but decided not to overfill my plate and just come back for more after.
i walked to where a friend had saved me a seat at her table, but by the time i got there, my plate had vanished from my hand. i didnt put it down, it was just gone. for a minute i wondered if it had even really existed? nah...
i looked all over the room and couldnt find it, though. so my friend suggested i just get a new plate, so i did. i start over to the buffet food, and as i approach each dish option, there's either almost none left, or the serving people close the lid and say i cant have that, or that's being put away, stuff like that.
i could take the burnt edges of what's left, the scraps of this or that, but all that amazing food is gone, or not available to me. and no one at the big tables would share anything, not even my friend. maybe a piece of her soft roll, but not really...
so i look at the empty chair at my friend's table, the only chair left in the room, and consider my options... i look around the entire room, with the empty plate in my hand, and see a doorway i hadnt noticed before. the door is open, but it's as if no one in the room i'm currently in even realizes there's a door other than the one they've entered from originally, which is at the other side of the room, and has remained closed since we all poured in.
i walk toward the open door and sunlight is streaming in. there is a much smaller room beyond the door, like a little porch, and the walls are almost entirely windows. i hadnt noticed the big room i had been in this whole time had almost no real sunlight coming in, and all the light was from bright florescent lights in the ceiling.
i cautiously step through the door, but just one step, because then i notice the people in this new room, and I suddenly feel as if i'm intruding.
they are sitting on a couch, on the floor, on pillows, on a couple wooden chairs, all haphazardly strewn around a coffee table. they are dressed in normal clothes, soft cottons, some aren't even that clean. some have dreadlocks or wear hats, none have fancy nails or makeup. most have their backs toward me, but one turns and says "come on in! are you hungry?" i see there are many plates of random food on the little coffee table, but simple food, nothing like the buffet had. more like hors devours - crackers, cheese, apples, bread, olive oil... but they are all sharing, and everyone is chatting and smiling, and the noise feels more relaxed and sincere than in the big buffet room.
they make room for me on the couch. they were already squished, but they make room. i ask why no one else from the other room comes in here, or seems to even see this room? they said something to the effect of those folks being too distracted by their buffet, and too busy making sure they have a seat at the big table.
then i woke up.
it blew me away how, this dream pretty much sums up where i once was, and where i want to be...
from working in corporate for huge money and being who i was "supposed" to be and doing what i was "supposed" to do to achieve this "success" thing, so therefore happiness would just "find" me (instead of me finding it within myself!) and realizing just how messed up that place was and what an illusion it all was (like the plate disappearing in the dream), to where i am now, focused not on money or "success" in the eyes of others, but on family and friendships and my own inner journey, without needing to be rich or have fancy clothes defining me any more, but still ever searching... and that smaller room is what i'm searching for.
i'm tired of having no options but leftover scraps, just so i can claim a seat at the big tables, where ppl smile and talk about jobs and kids and how "great" everything is (on the surface) but nothing else, focused on only themselves, under stale lights in flashy tight clothes on hard perfectly-arranged chairs.
i want to rest in the sun, squished on a couch, breaking bread with those who dont care how each other are dressed, or who has which chair, or even a chair at all. where it's ok to sit on the floor. where the plates of food are everyone's and no one is left without. where laughter is genuine and relaxed. where the sun streams in all around, and everyone does actually notice that it is there at all.
I think I'm getting there, esp with friends like you guys, but the journey continues. This dream helped me see the path more clearly today. xo
#1515
#hopevali #contradictivehope #dream #perfectpeople #whattabledoyouwanttositat
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