In my worry over how to pay bills, a part of me just wants to shut down. But another part seems to be stepping up. A determination to fight. To win this battle life seems to think I can handle. I question that belief but I believe in life enough to know that I am probably wrong. I hope. I try to tell myself "this too shall pass" and that I am only becoming stronger because of this. That in this fighting I am learning. I cannot just let myself give up. I have the most amazing two year old who believes in me and tells me she loves me everyday. Having her in my corner is all I have sometimes, so I hold on, for her. For us.
I dream big. Times such as these start my mind racing... what can I sell on eBay? When can I return bottles for the redemption. I suppose in some deep metaphorical way, everything is about redemption. And in almost every way 'redemption' is used in the English language, redemption carries with it reward. I wait for ours. I just wonder how long that wait will be. Hopefully not long.
No comments:
Post a Comment