Ich Bin Mir Nicht Leid.

Do you know how long it took to make that decision? Weighing it, removing from the table of options only to have you force my hand and put it back, time and time again. Do you understand how long I battled the choice I finally made? It was not made easily. It was not made quickly, not without guilt, not without loss, not without mourning. Of course, you'd never see such truth. And that is just one soft reminder of why I ended up on the side of the coin that I landed upon in the end. Because you cared, yes, but more about yourself. Because you tried, yes, but for all the wrong reasons. Because we were so close, oh yes, but too often, that intimacy was harness against me, side-swiping me with heartache I second guessed even having, because of you. And who would have thought we'd be here today. You'd never have believed I'd have stood so tall, so as to blind myself even to your shadows. You still likely doubt my resolve in this. But I have always been unwilling to be anyone's pavement, to be someone's constant justification, to be cause for harm I myself would never pay forward. Look at me now, sweeping up the people you've tossed away, into piles of love and gratitude and support. Look as us now, a famylie of faeries, only possible without the poison we'd unknowingly been feasting, with our well intentioned hopes and smiles. But I will fight the toxicity, even the single droplets of your seedlings, hiding in a mist of new joys. I will stand in my resolve to only focus on what's good for us, what brings the greatest love into all our lives. And I am truly sorry that sentence lives without you, as do we, but that is the end of my sorries and sorrow because of this choice. The relief of it reminds me daily why it was so overdue in it's fulfillment. A choice that took so very many years to come to final scales. And in this balance, I regret it not. Ich bin mir nicht leid.