denial, motivation & a couple of rainbows thrown in for good measure

So no amazing news this month... I was so looking forward to being pregnant again, even though it's annoying as hell. Now I know what all the sacrifice is really worth, looking at my almost-4-year-old daughter every day. And, like a good American, I want MORE of that. :) But not this time, apparently. Life has other plans for us right now, so it claims. Perhaps she's just giving me a month to get some shit in order. I hope this delay is just a short one, though. I have the baby itch pretty badly!

But I have a lot to figure out just now without that I suppose... My car is so hurtin' and I really need to step up and just invest in something else finally. Jump ship before the boat sinks, as it were. But I hate giant decisions, especially those effecting MONEY, although I can pretty much guarantee I am NOT alone in that!

But I have indeed been feeling slightly more life-motivated these days than normal, so I'm trying to maintain it as long as I can...

We were blessed to be given some furniture by someone more fortunate than us, who can afford all brand new furniture & was just going to give a gorgeous dining room set & bedroom set to Goodwill! All we had to do was pick it up for it to be ours, so of course we did! It took some nagging of the husband and a whole lot of house-reorganization (including getting rid of a whole mess of other furniture in our house that was functional but ugly & old as sin, also hand-me-downs but from close to a decade ago, so really needing replacement) but the house looks far better already!

So now that has motivated me to go through all kinds of other stuff... Emptying junk drawers in the house that just collect random stuff so nothing ever goes where it actually NEEDS to (like into the trash can or out to my husband's shed, already full of do-hockies & thing-a-ma-bobs), to go through clothes that should go to Goodwill to free up bureau & closet space, to go through tupperware that have no matching lids, to go through my entire pantry/storage closet to get rid of anything I possibly can, etc....

I have no idea how long this wave of motivation will last, so I'm just surfing it the best I can while I can. I even brought a giant bin of memories up from my basement to see what I can get rid of (or now display in my "new" hutch!). I had forgotten that I have a couple really nice knick-knacks that I received as wedding gifts that I'd just wrapped up & stored away since there was never a safe place to display it until now. (Waterford Crystal, baby!!)

So I guess I'll just have to wait for now, and live vicariously through friends with babies or about to burst... (sigh) But I'd love to have something new to talk about with my sister (instead of her latest boy blunder or life explosion o' drama), I'd love to have something to really look forward to & to keep me motivated getting things done... There's nothing like needing to plan for the arrival of a baby to get your ass in gear, let me tell ya! :) They call it "nesting" but really it's just "OMG get shit done while you still CAN!" prep. :)

In the meantime, work is work, they call it work cuz it's never fun, but it's tolerable enough to get paid and I do with with mostly good people. One coworker in particular drives me absolutely batty, but she's well intentioned so what can you do, right? It's virtually impossible to find anything to do where you like everyone you do it with, at least from my experience. But people here say "thank you" and "good morning" and ask about your kids now and then, which isn't always the norm. Now & then my boss brings me some random dessert from his lunch out, or a coworker offers me a toy for my kid that was their kid's toy but has been grown out of... So mostly generous folks, so I guess I'll stay a bit...

I always fear the "what if" though, what if someone offered me something else tomorrow? Would my friend who got me this job suffer somehow for that? What if I did get pregnant next month, and I tell my boss only to have him flip out or try to deny maternity or eff me over somehow for it? What if I mess something up so badly that it ruins anything good I've done to date? But then there are the good what if's. What if my husband found a job like one he's had in the past, that did indeed financially allow me to leave my job and focus on raising our daughter for almost two full years? What if we won the lotto tomorrow? ;) Oh those 'what if's always jumping in when you want them the least. :)

But this weekend is my baby's 4th birthday so I guess today I should just focus there. My best friend from college is coming from the Cape, to stay all weekend with her daughter (a year younger than mine) to help with the party & to just plain visit. I'm pretty excited. The "theme" of the party is Rainbows, so I've been making tissue paper flowers (woohoo for being a daycamp counselor all those years, I'm good with random cheap crafts that look way more awesome than they were hard to make) in each color for decorations, as well as paper rainbows to hang from our ceilings. Here are images from the interweb that are similar, so you can see what I've been doing! :D



And aren't these COOL?


Ok I'll leave it at that. Gotta job to do... Til next time...